Teachers to be drug tested next year
April 15, 2019
Next year, Morton High School teachers will start the year with random drug testing.
The testing is in response to a recent nationwide increase in drug-dependent educators. According to a recent poll, more than a fifth (22 percent) of teachers in the nation reported they had been turning to alcohol more often, and the same percentage (22 percent) said they had increased their caffeine intake due to increased stress in their jobs. Just under a fifth (19%) said they had lost their appetite and over one in 10 (11 percent) said they had started to use or increased their use, of anti-depressants. In a random survey of 50 Morton teachers, 45 say they rely on some type of drug to “get through the day.”
This guy needs his daily coffee fix, obviously.
“I can’t start my day without a jumbo cup of coffee – the stronger the better,” English teacher Mr. Tondelli said.
Caffeine is considered a drug, but fortunately, for Mr. Tondelli, this won’t make him test positive next year. Other identified drugs may result in consequences ranging from counseling to loss of employment – even if the drugs are legal.
“As soon, as I’m out the door, I’m vaping,” journalism teacher Mr. Frankfother said.
Mr. Frankfother’s e-cig nicotine addiction may not get him fired, but if “flagged,” it may result in an increase in his school health insurance rates.
The testing may be seen as punitive, but, ultimately, the school’s intention is to improve the mental and physical health of its educators.
“Teaching isn’t one of the jobs you leave at the door. You take papers and problems home with you,” English teacher Ms. Gacek said. “Sometimes, teachers may need a beer or two — but they’re way over 21,” she added.
DISCLAIMER: This MortONION article is entirely fabricated — false. Be careful of FAKE NEWS! Don’t spread lies.
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Jorge Cabrales • Apr 22, 2019 at 12:17 pm
At first i believed this article was true because like most jobs people get drug tested. Teachers have to deal with many students every day so there should be a reason to believe they might take something to calm down all the stress. What i find questionable is if caffeine is a drug then everyone would come positive, everyone drinks coffee. Drug test can maybe loose a teachers job if they come positive. I would of thought this was true if i saw it on social media and did not read the disclaimer at the end stating it is fake news.
Elias gonzalez • Apr 22, 2019 at 11:26 am
I figured that this was real because handling a bunch of students like me some are annoying some are getting on your nerves. Teachers need something to push them through the day with all of there jobs involved in being perfect.
jacquelin ornelas • Apr 15, 2019 at 7:14 pm
this article was actually funny because i thought it was true for a minute. but i would also need a cup of coffee like tondellil to start off my day if i was a teacher. my favorite part was when it said that they were gonna consider coffee a drug! you guys should definetly do more of these types of articles